Even though the jorney is long...

Two weeks from now Im gonna be home. Its been a while since Im counting the days down and is not a secret that Ive been homesick. But the weird thing is that now I am missing Trondheim more then Brazil and when I think about my life back home is like thinking about a strange dream while Trondheim would be my reality.

I went too deep in my cross cultural experience and now that is over I feel like I have no ground and I dont know who I am or what Im gonna do. The last year was the hardest of my life, but also the best. Ive learned more in this last year then in the last 5. And now that is over I strugle with the fact that I will go back to the exatcly same life, place and activities from before, even though I feel like an intire new person. That is hard.

At the same time that I cant wait to be back home I also dont wanna go and Im scared. Even my relationship with God has been weird in the last month. I feel like He is miles and miles away from me and not being able to feel Him or listen to Him scares me even more. I feel lonely and hopeless, almost desesperate. I fear that my life is never gonna be normal again and that I will spend the rest of it willing to be in somewhere else.

But at the same time I know for sure that feelings are only feelings, which means that they do not correspond to the reality. And no matter how far God seems to be, I know and I belive He is here by my side. I also believe that He brought me here to renew me and refresh me and give me an intire new perspective of life and even though I feel hopeless now, I know He will renew my hope.

For now it really sucks and hurts and makes me sad and mad and anti-social and skeptic. "But after all that Ive been trough, I finally realize the truth that I must go trough the valley to stand upon the montain of God."